Life events often bring emotional turmoil to couples. In the chaos that ensues, the intimacy and connection in the relationship can get overwhelmingly challenged. While some might experience this as a jumping off point, I see such events and experiences as opportunities for great growth and for the continuing development of increased intimacy in our relationships.
Often in the context of such turmoil, I work with couples collaboratively to help them understand what contributed to derailment and to the destructive means of interacting and relating to each other that is causing them so much fear and pain. Through creating together with a couple a safe place to communicate, I help the partners experience and understand their own emotions and expectations. In this process of discovery, it is often the case that partners share feelings that have been blocked and stultified–without their awareness — for years. Through the use of a very active, empathetic style of listening, I help the couples to become aware of their co-created destructive interaction patterns and help them work together to develop healthier ways of communicating and understanding each others, especially feelings of vulnerability.
Being aware of oneself in the context of our most intimate relationships brings a tremendous sense of happiness and fulfillment to ourselves and each other. The most fulfilling part of all is that we can begin to see our partners from a very different angle. The very person who was so recently a threat to our happiness and sense of security is now experienced as a loving, caring and safe person. In this state, we are now capable of co-creating and sustaining a loving partnership based on conscious communication, mutuality and trust.
I work with couples with issues such as:
- Volatile fights and escalation of arguments
- Patterned, destructive interactions
- Distance in the relationship, Issues with sexual/emotional intimacy
- Interracial/cross-cultural relationship issues
- Divorce/separation issues
Publication
The Borderline Stage of Relationship. Paper presented at The 12th European Congress of Psychology (July 4-8, 2011). Istanbul, Turkey.
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