The Borderline Stage of Relationship. Paper presented at The 12th European Congress of Psychology (July 4-8, 2011). Istanbul, Turkey.
Abstract: Contemporary infant research in developmental psychology suggests that failure is an imperative –absolutely essential—ingredient in the development of healthy attunement, attachment and bonding between the infant and his or her environment. Environment, at the earliest stage of development, is thoroughly represented by—is synonymous with—the infant’s primary caregiver, usually the mother. Certain consistent mis-firings—missed opportunities for attunement between mother and child, as well as lost connections (sometimes experiences as simple as the caregiver misinterpreting the need/desire communicated in the infant’s cry), followed by realignment, correction and reconnection—have been shown to enhance the development of basic trust between the infant and his/her environment. This basic trust, in turn, can become a core feature of the developing array of psychological defense mechanisms as well as health coping skills that the infant will be using to adjust to the external environment throughout his/her entire life-course. Through connecting the dots between and among various theories as well as analyzing date from our own clinical research, the authors have been developing a model for assessing relational experiences that are often utilized—especially in the U.S. and other Western countries—as evidence of “failed relationship” (and, indicative of the need for the termination of the relationship, often divorce), as a developmental stage in the life-course of a relationship. The authors then assert that, by having gone through, survived, that tumultuous stage—which is referred to as The Borderline Stage of Relationship—the individuals in such couples might actually wind up developing a stronger emotional/relational foundation upon which to build emotional depth and intimacy. Implications for diversity—along the lines of race, ethnicity, gender, socio-economic status, religious preference, and sexual orientation—are also explored in this study.